~Sometimes, I wish I were a l little kid again, skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts ~
People say that a teenager’s fear is a broken heart. I think they’re right. In past relationships, I always ran, reasoning that if I didn’t give anyone my heart, then they couldn’t break it. In my young age, I had a trauma. And I promised to never ever commit into a relationship again. But that changed when my “Best friend” came into my life.
We were childhood friends. Our families know each other and are members of the same church. Our friendship was easy to figure out—not much was left to imagination. I went to his place and play with his brothers and sister, and he went to my place to fool around and then just hang out. I thought I could count on him, and he could count on me. That’s how best friends work. And that’s what Thomas was--- my best friend. At least, I thought he was. Being a good boy next door, he was my stability. Was, not is.
Everyone knew we were best friends. If you couldn’t find Thomas, he was likely with me and vice versa. We always attend Sunday school together and then stroll around the neighborhood with our church mates. I looked at him as my brother and that I could always make him stay and do what I want him to do whenever I need him. We even bathe together in our mini pool at home and then got wounded after flying from a biking accident. He was the 1st to know that I had a boyfriend, and I was first to know that he already had 2 girlfriends. We shared our secrets and knew everything about each other’s lives. My friends told me that boys and girls could never be good friends because the attraction part always got in the way. I told them they were wrong, that Thomas and I were different. He was like my brother and I was his sister. At least, that’s how I viewed our relationship. Well apparently, this wasn’t a two way street. I found one day that Thomas viewed our relationship as something more when he confessed his love to me. I told him that I loved him, yet I wasn’t in love with him. At first he was fine with that decision and we stayed close friends.
But freshman year slowly crept up on us, and things took a drastic turn. Although we were still close friends and do same things as before, he started treating me differently. I didn’t like how he treats me so I started pushing him away. Of course he’s a nice guy and he values our friendship that much, so he gave a space between us. I had many relationships and I kept them all secret form him so that I would not be able to hurt him. But I revealed them anyway thinking that he would move on and forget what he feels for me. And I was right. He was able to have a stable relationship and I had mine too. As the years passed, the space between us became more distant and we were not the same as before. We barely knew each other. I was happy though because despite the rejection, he still managed to understand me. He was happy with his relationships but I was broken. All my relationships were like trash and were torn apart. I was hurt and I was not able to move on for years. I prayed and prayed that God would heal my broken heart. And he did. He used Thomas as an instrument to help me accept life and to trust again. I was able to forget my past relationships and started a new commitment with Thomas. He filled all the empty spaces in my life and we were happy. Even though I was broken hearted, that fear was conquered because I slowly understood that although my heart was broken, it would keep beating just the same.
Eventually as we were going steady, we forgot our limitations. Our relationship was not allowed by our church ministry. We were told to stop with whatever connections we have. We both know that we have made a mistake and that we had forsaken God for our recklessness, and for our consequence, we are likely to forget each other.
~To be continueedddd..
